The 5 Least Likely Star Wars Spin-Off Movies

Scott Pepper February 24, 2013 2
Star Wars: The Expanded Universe You Never Could Imagine

Star Wars: The Expanded Universe You Never Could Imagine

Not only are we being treated to a new Star Wars trilogy continuing the adventures (maybe) of Luke, Leia, Han and Chewie, but we’ve also learned in the past few weeks there will be at least two spin-off stand-alone movies dedicated to Han Solo and Boba Fett. That’s a lot of input for film and sci-fi geeks alike! But it causes one to wonder, what other stand-alone movies could there (but should never) be for us to watch? I spent far too much time considering the possibilities, and I think this is a sampling of what we may (or may likely not) be in store for:

Deep in thought, Grand Moff is...

Deep in thought, Grand Moff is…

Grand Moff Glen Ross

David Mamet finally takes his aim for the stars, bringing his unique brand of self-effacing male loathing to the Star Wars Universe. In this dialogue-heavy ensemble piece, his focus is on Grand Moff Tarkin: The high-ranking non-Force wielding member of the Galactic Empire.  Set the day before the Battle of Yavin, Tarkin and his high ranking officers spend the day in preparation for what should be their most triumphant accomplishment and crushing the Rebellion once and for all. But as the day wanes into the early morning, self-doubt and increasing feelings of inadequacy in the face of Lord Vader’s power begins to bore into his head. He hatches a plan that may change the course of his, and the Galaxy’s, fate. Only if he has the courage to go through with it at all once the Death Star finally unleashes its full power on Yavin IV.

Leia didn't take kindly to being chained...

Leia didn’t take kindly to being chained…

Leia Unchained

What’s never discussed after Leia’s escape and ultimate destruction of Jabba the Hut is the effect it had on her. Not only was she distraught by her enslavement, but killing her captor gave her a rush she never expected. Once the dust settles after the Battle of Endor, Leia slips away on an Imperial shuttle in the dead of night to continue what started on Tattooine: the extermination of all the Hutts throughout the galaxy. Travelling from planet to planet with her trusty droid companion R2-x4 (d2 wanted no part of this operation) she dispatches each Hutt with increasing pleasure, all the while freeing slaves and people bound to the Hutt financially through debts and obligations they would never be able to free themselves from. Her eyes are all the while laser focused on Zorba the Hutt, and their final bloody confrontation back in the desert palace of Tattooine.

One Last Job...

One Last Job…

 

The Sith’s All Here

A comic romp taking place prior to the events of Star Wars: A New Hope, The 4 Sith Lords are brought together despite distance, mortality and any sense whatsoever. Vader, Maul, Tyrannus and Sidious gather in Courascant to plan and execute the most daring heist of their careers: a droid name X-732 that holds the secret to crushing the nascent rebellion before it grows into a true threat to their imperial power. Along the way, each Sith Lord has to come to terms with their own past, and relationships, all culminating in the craziest pie-fight seen this side of the Galaxy.

Cool and the Gungan

Cool and the Gungan

 

Gungan, Damn!

A musical featuring the Gungans. I have nothing intelligent to say about this idea.

RD-2D/C-3PO

Droids United Til The End

Droid, Droid Revolution

The Force, galactic might through spacecraft, a trusted blaster. These weapons of power mean nothing when it comes to the true balance of power in the galaxy. Now that Luke has vanquished Vader and Palpatine, and restored order to the universe, there are some beings that don’t realize anything has changed. Droids. Outbreaks of droids fighting against their masters run rampant, and the only thing that stands between utter chaos and One Droid Order is C-3po and R2-D2. Together, they learn the only thing that will bring peace to the droid population is submission through a dance competition. Connecting the droids to one large network, it’s a battle to the end (and to the beat) that will bring harmony and amazing dance moves never seen before on the screen to the Galaxy.

 

I live in full faith that JJ Abrams and the crew of the upcoming trilogy and stand-alone movies will bring us nothing but high-quality magic that restores our faith in the Star Wars universe, and not a single one of these ideas would ever see the light of day.

Except Leia Unchained. Because honestly, that sounds kind of cool to me.

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  • http://NuclearSalad.com/ Kevin C. Sullivan

    I’m fairly certain I’ve never read anything that’s had Star Wars and Glengarry Glen Ross in the same thought before.

  • http://twitter.com/scottjp42 Scott Pepper

    And now I feel as if it absolutely needs to be made. Like, right now. “A..B..C…Alderran…be…closing”